Headspace

The Black Poet | Jean-Léon Gérôme | Legion of Honor

Somedays you have to get into the zone to push through and sometimes that is not being on task sometimes it is simply sitting: 

If I think too hard

The Rock | Peter Blume | 1944 - 48 | Art Institute Chicago

I could get really depressed about my situation so I will work on not thinking about it since it is out of my hands! 

Week 6: Glass Half Full

I used to hate going through orthopedic surgery recoveries. And, I do this a lot...where several months are dedicated to simply getting back on my feet, and then more to get strong on my feet. This latest surgery was a complicated revision of my failed total hip arthroplasty that was done in 2009 and it is going take around 9+ months to  recover. I am currently on week 6 and hoping I can soon increase my weight bearing. We will find out next week after X-rays are reviewed. I am currently only toe touch weight bearing on my left leg. It is difficult to maneuver especially with the bulky brace

What I have learned is how to leverage the downtime and have a small catalog of the positives on being stuck in bed:e

#Advantages of being totally laid up.

1. Get to sew those things that I been meaning to do (for the last year) but was too busy to do it.
2. Get to do all that fun sedentary paperwork that I have been avoiding. 
3. A lot of paper files are being jettisoned! 
4. Less of a mess to clean up because I am not running around making a mess
5. Get to go through all my medical paperwork that I have been avoiding
6. When I don't feel well I care less about those niggly details that usually drive me batty
7. Get to be introspective and think about the larger picture of life
8. Get to clean up, clear out, and organize my apps on my IOS devices
9. Time to pamper my cuticles
10. Get time to read my magazines and books
11. Get to get in touch with people I haven't had time to be in touch with

Week 5 Post Op: Hope, Trepidation, and Gratitude

The Banquet | René Magrite 

Greeting week five with hope and trepidation. I started perking up a bit in small ways. Using a wheelchair to help move around the house; eat at the dining table, pay a few bills...yes, this is my definition of hope and excitement.

This was followed by an extreme exacerbation of a pinpoint high pain in my pelvis, making me concerned about the implications of my "tumble" last week, that I have been trying to put to the back of my mind with little success. 

I am extremely embarrassed by, mad at, frustrated with the stumble that landed me on my right pelvis (opposite my operative hip). It was a tiny movement, while I was straightening a corner of the bedding, between the wall and the bed, that landing me in a precarious position.  The one good thing I was able to do was save the most important part of my surgery, which was the femur.  However, the realization of how a single movement can result in one's undoing has been extremely unnerving –– a small shift in weight can result in losing balance in a tiny space in a walker.  If I were in a different time I would be a goner – this is how animals died on the plains and this is often the trigger of the end game in old people, and that brought a lot of things about my situation in life to a crisp focus.

Life is a fine balance, and anything can act as a tipping point.  As they say things can change on a dime. We easily forget this as we ambulate through life until something goes wrong, and it can go wrong at any time. As I get older, have more experience with difficulties, especially medical ones, I realize how temporary it all is. And, that you have to savor each and every moment. And, appreciate very small moments.

Be grateful for your loved ones and all their imperfections, be joyful of a moment of connection with anything that moves you be it a plant, animal, human, or other. Be grateful for even the tiniest of things in a given day, because I guarantee you that there is always something to be grateful for. The smallest of gratitudes build onto each other, and even on the shitiest of days you can find many things to be grateful for;  like, being grateful for having energy to pay bills...sometimes I don't even have that. So, I will take it and run with it....ok, maybe I am not running with it.... I am wheeling with it! 

Week 4 Post-Op

Andrew Wyeth | Christmas Morning 

When recovering from ________ (whatever it is that you are recovering from) sometimes all you can do is lie there very quietly and look towards the horizon.

One Month: Still about the small things

So, today, my giant achievement was walking with the walker into my doctor's office and walking out of the doctor's office, with my husband by my side to make sure I didn't topple over. That was a very exhausting 50ft. I took breaks. But, I did it, and that is what I am grateful for today. Other than that I am pretty dang pooped... #ThereYouHaveIt

Day 28: It's the Small Things

When you get down to it, in life, it really is about the small things which add up to big things....but, it all starts very small.

I am especially reminded of this when I go through a long painful recovery, which I am right now....  there are no grand plans other than not having an accident when I am trying to rush to the elevated toilet seat in our bathroom, with my walker, and hip brace in place.

Or, having a shower, with the hip brace in place.

Or, paying a bill, that has been sitting unpaid since way before surgery.

It is these moments when you realize how small life really is, and it is so important to be grateful for what you have, because sometimes that is all you have.

This article,  12 Little Known Laws of Gratitude ,  I found humbly covers the reasons why I think #gratefulness is important in daily life and especially relevant when life is made even smaller than the "social norms".

Day 27

Wiped out is the theme of the day. Woke up wiped up....lying here wiped out...and just letting the muscles stretch a bit....sometimes that's all one can do.